You may find it difficult to believe, but one day you will start to see the fog lift over your relationship confusion. You will finally realize that the person who you have tried in vain to appease, is utterly unable to be appeased. You will tire of the “circular” arguments, the silent treatment, the subtle insults, the explosive temper tantrums, the irrational demands, and the pathetic hypersensitivity. Yes, even you, the selfless, forgiving, non- confrontational, peacekeeper of the relationship will one day wake up and say, f*ck this.
We all have our thresholds for pain. As empaths (which most of us are) we are very attuned to other people’s feelings, sometimes to the detriment of our own. We are so programmed to make sure others are feeling good, or feeling loved, that we seldom make demands of our own. We can actually forget or neglect our own feelings, which no one should ever do. (We matter too!)
That being said, when we are completely worn out and weary, I believe that’s when our eyes finally open to the madness of the so-called union. We recognize a manic episode as a verifiable manic episode, and when we do- it terrifies us. Anyone associated with the word manic is not going to be a stable partner! These aren’t normal relationship problems-they are abuse. Big difference!
I decided to write this blog because I feel like I’ve been to hell and back. When I was in the thick of it, married to a narcissist, it was as if nothing was what it seemed. It was all a mirage. I tried and tried to think of a way to describe it, and then one day it hit me; “A House of Mirrors at a Cheap Carnival.” That is exactly what my marriage to a narcissist felt like-and that was what he equated to. Nothing about him was real or honest. It was the most confusing, frightening, manipulative, distorted experience that I could ever imagine. And after getting out of that awful house of mirrors, something dawned on me….something so simple too! It was this: A relationship should never be confusing. Never. Confusion-and most certainly sustained confusion- is a hallmark of abuse. Please remember that.
I have never blogged before, and I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, but I am determined to reach as many people as possible in my quest to protect others. You see, there are a lot of narcissists out there, (men and women) lurking and hunting for the next sweet, kind, sucker who will believe their phony performance, pretending to be a good prospect. They all have the same tactics and strategies. It’s as if they all attended the same convention, or decided to use the same playbook. It’s downright scary how similar they are in terms of dysfunction. Sometimes, when I hear other stories about narcissists, they are stories exactly like mine. It’s as if I could have told these stories myself, but it’s someone else telling them-how could that be? That’s no coincidence. These pathological personality disorders all have the same patterns. The good news is, once you know narcissists are out there, you can watch for red flags and protect yourself. You will get what I call “Narc Radar” and you will be able to keep them away. I swear I can smell those mofo’s a mile away now. It’s awesome.
Anyway, it’s my hope that maybe this blog will either help someone stay away from these demons-or help someone get away from them if they find themselves involved with one. I hope that whoever reads this blog will learn something from it, grow strong, and know their value. We must always know our value and protect ourselves from harm. If you are struggling, please know that I send my love and hugs to you, from afar. I’ve been there, and I know what a dark place it is. I’ll try in my own little way to be your cheerleader, and I will pray for you. Please feel free to comment, or make suggestions, or share your story. We can all help each other and move toward the light…